Ex-Mother in Law coming to help pack. Same day as Josh arrives to do the same.. and possibly.. me. Feels weird. This is weird, right? Yeah this is weird. How am I going to get through those hours pretending that he's a friend? Wow. Remember the story of the crucifixion? It'll be harder than that. And if you're one of those that doesn't believe in Jesus and all that stuff, then it will be the hardest thing done in history.
I mean I know that Kevin and I are done, and nearly done on paper, at that. But, I'll feel bad. That's not exactly crazy right?
I was saying earlier that it makes me feel like a kid again. Sneaking around on mommy, whispering sweet nothings when dad's not looking... sitting awkwardly across from each other, stealing glances. I have been demoted to a goddam teenager. Except then it was something new and forbidden, not something I've had lots of and expect more of and crave of. I'm a mommy myself, why can't I do these things out in the open? It's not my fault her son fails at life. Right? Still the guilt that is residual from my dictatorship of an upbringing rears it's ugly head to remind me that may be hurtful to someone else. Ugh. I hate my conscience. I wish it would go bury itself. I'm tired of living in a box. Four sides that keep me reigned in at all times, doing everything appropriately. I want to be crazy and spontaneous (as much as is possible with 2 kids...) and enjoy my life. And I don't plan on hiding the most important person to enter it since G. I am in love, and the world is going to goddam lie down and accept it.
So my mom tried to give me "the talk" today. She also asked if I needed it, and I assured her I knew exactly what happened when a boys dingaling enters a girls hoohaa. It happened twice, mother. Better late than never I guess. Damn, I've probably had more sex than my 46 year old mother. Love you mom. Granny. LoL.
Here's something you haven't hard in awhile.. I am completely unlucky (and to be honest I should've led the post with this) but as per usual.. I was bailed on. My father, with whom it took me 10 years to reconnect with offered to borrow a truck from his work and bring me back to Surrey, as well as lend a bit of support financially. So, as the gods would have it, he calls me last night (drunk btw) and casually mentions that he can't move me, and is going to edmonton next month and may be able to do it then.
Listen, drunken father, I gave notice, that means off the premises on the 1st or before. Calling up my landlord and saying "Hey, I changed my mind, so could I live here for free for a month?". I'd be more likely to become a member of the Taliban before I'd see a moment of genuine generosity for Mr. White (landlord). Maybe he'd generously skip the phrase and just give me the hand gesture? Most likely.
I am determined though. My heart is set on Surrey. Wow, that sounds so wholesome up til the "Surrey" bit. lol. I miss the things about Fleetwood. Douchebags as far as the eye can see, plenty of ammunition for sarcastic jokes and cutting remarks. Also, lest we forget the multiculturalism. Mounds of 20 milkjugs tied together on every lawn, due to (the real Canadian (LOL)) Superstore being sold out of milk as soon as it arrives. You know it`s true. You heard me before, Surrey is AN INTERNATIONAL punch line. That`s right. Someone in timbuktu (sp?) is thinking of your vag right now, girl.
I have to wake up at the crack of bloody dawn tomorrow to look into resources for getting money. I mean.. may as well hit up everyone, eh? My family is low on the help, compassion and general likeability scale. Even their friends secretly hate them. I`m just a little more open about it. Honesty is the best policy, that`s my motto.
Anyways thats all folks.
Amz*
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