Valentines Update

I am in love, world. Hear me roar. If only there were a method of technology that the entire universe could know with the click of a button. This is the best I can do. I guess it'll have to do for now. Until, I Amanda DODSON, can come up with a way to inform all beings in this universe or any other that I am in love with Joshua Caney. That's right.

Our Valentines Day, if someone else were looking in, wouldn't seem too special I suppose. But for me, it was the best one I've had bar none. We walked around the city (downtown) and just hung out. We have so much in common, so it's always a safe bet that what one of us wants to do, the other will be down for. Makes for a simple, easy relationship. Sometimes it feels as if no work is required. Isn't love supposed to be like that? Easy. Shouldn't it be that you can't wait to see that person at the end of the day? When they come through your door, your day truly begins? That is my life right now. I am so happy, so deliriously happy that I am completely afraid it's going to explode in my face. After the past 3 years, I came to realize (or so I thought) that I couldn't do any better. And now my life has done a 360. I am terrified that this is a trick, and someone's going to come and tell me I've been on candid camera, or punk'd.

I know I should just stop doubting, and just be grateful, but its so hard! Self sabotage is a bitch, and it's followed me my whole life. My psychologist used to tell me to stop caring about what my family thinks of me and my decisions. I know they won't approve of my decisions regarding Josh, but if I'm happy why should how they feel effect my potential happiness? It's just the old me not wanting to disappoint, but I say screw that, and screw them.

He has really stepped up. The girls love him, and I suspect the feeling is mutual. He's good for them, reliable, kind, warm-hearted. Everything I had ever hoped to find in a man. He's told me numerous times that although the girls aren't his biologically, he wants to have responsibility with them, and contribute to our family. We'll kind of be our own family. Which would make sense, because wherever he is, that's where I feel most at home. He is my home. And after such a short time, it sounds crazy to say, but I hope we're together a long time.. if not forever. I feel like a whole person now. Yes, yes cliche, I probably almost seem childish for putting so much hope on such a short time.. but I'm going to hope for the very best, and with a little bit of luck.. the very best will happen. I'm going to let go of all my doubts. Let things happen. Take that world.