I am in love, world. Hear me roar. If only there were a method of technology that the entire universe could know with the click of a button. This is the best I can do. I guess it'll have to do for now. Until, I Amanda DODSON, can come up with a way to inform all beings in this universe or any other that I am in love with Joshua Caney. That's right.
Our Valentines Day, if someone else were looking in, wouldn't seem too special I suppose. But for me, it was the best one I've had bar none. We walked around the city (downtown) and just hung out. We have so much in common, so it's always a safe bet that what one of us wants to do, the other will be down for. Makes for a simple, easy relationship. Sometimes it feels as if no work is required. Isn't love supposed to be like that? Easy. Shouldn't it be that you can't wait to see that person at the end of the day? When they come through your door, your day truly begins? That is my life right now. I am so happy, so deliriously happy that I am completely afraid it's going to explode in my face. After the past 3 years, I came to realize (or so I thought) that I couldn't do any better. And now my life has done a 360. I am terrified that this is a trick, and someone's going to come and tell me I've been on candid camera, or punk'd.
I know I should just stop doubting, and just be grateful, but its so hard! Self sabotage is a bitch, and it's followed me my whole life. My psychologist used to tell me to stop caring about what my family thinks of me and my decisions. I know they won't approve of my decisions regarding Josh, but if I'm happy why should how they feel effect my potential happiness? It's just the old me not wanting to disappoint, but I say screw that, and screw them.
He has really stepped up. The girls love him, and I suspect the feeling is mutual. He's good for them, reliable, kind, warm-hearted. Everything I had ever hoped to find in a man. He's told me numerous times that although the girls aren't his biologically, he wants to have responsibility with them, and contribute to our family. We'll kind of be our own family. Which would make sense, because wherever he is, that's where I feel most at home. He is my home. And after such a short time, it sounds crazy to say, but I hope we're together a long time.. if not forever. I feel like a whole person now. Yes, yes cliche, I probably almost seem childish for putting so much hope on such a short time.. but I'm going to hope for the very best, and with a little bit of luck.. the very best will happen. I'm going to let go of all my doubts. Let things happen. Take that world.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
.. and just when you think the world can't possibly sh*t on you any more.. IT DOES
So, on top everything that's going on with my dad being a deadbeat (someone give the man a prize) it's been what, 10 years since I saw him? Nothing at all has changed. He's my dad and I'll always have a spot for him in my chest to the middle-left... but honestly, if you can't trust your own dad to come through for you in a crisis, who can you trust?
If Josh wasn't here I'd be dead. Literally. I have had so many moments of wanting to just off myself in the last week... not to say I would, I'm too cowardly. Wanting to is not doing it people. I'm not unstable. Well, maybe a little, but that's not really the point here. This whole financially skewed situation has caused me to become more resourceful and independent than ever. Good and bad. I'm tired of being strong. I've been strong for so long that I feel like a man and a woman in one. Except, the man part has been the one I use most often. When do I get to be vulnerable, and when do I get to cry and not feel like a complete weakling? I think it has made me bitter towards just about everyone and everything.
I was talking to a financial support worker, and after telling me there was nothing they would do for me, since I'm moving out of province I literally wanted to bite her cheeks off. I mean sick stuff. I mean like Saw Movie type torture. I envisioned sticking bamboo chutes under her nails, and piercing her eyelids with a dull needle. Maybe even lighting her on fire and giving her gasoline instead of water. Things like that. I have never thought like that. That is how angry I've become. A wise person once told me that anger is a secondary emotion, and it's really just a cover for a more deep, personal affliction. Like extreme hurt. That's what it is. Can you blame me though? I think anger can exist as a primary emotion when it's directed toward GOVERNMENT SWINE. Bastards.
You know who does come through for me though? My social worker (child services). As much as she can, though. She gives me resources to call to try and get money to cover some expenses. I can't call tonight though, so I'll have to do it tomorrow morning early. I can't believe that there are so little agencies etc that help women in my situation. You could kind of call it an emergency, or fleeing from abuse. Physical or emotional or mental or verbal. It's all abuse. Right?
Just to re-itterate. I hate the damn government. They are useless and cold. They look down on me like I haven't planned my life out.. it's ridiculous. I want them to find themselves in the same situation. See what it's like. These people have never had hardship so they can't relate.. but why are they working there then? And, AND!!!.. why are social workers mostly without children? How the hell can they understand any situation that has to do with kids, if they've never had em? I tell you. A man invented this system, a single crotchety old badger who hates kids and flowers, and ponies, and candy. BASTARD I'M TALKING TO YOU. If only Heff or Trump ruled the world. They'd never turn away a MILF!
The only comfort and consistency I got out of my day was my girls little faces and Josh. If they weren't around, I wouldn't be either.
Anxiety attacks are back. Last time I had them I was in grade 12. If God exists and he's watching this/allowing this to happen, he owes me BIG TIME.
It's K's birthday tomorrow. I almost feel bad. Again, I say almost. No one should be alone on their birthday. But then again, I was for the past two birthdays, so...
Carol is coming tomorrow to help me pack to move (where exactly, I don't know) and Josh is flying down to help as well. We're going to drive through the rockies. And I have just the song, and band. HOLY! Does that truck have a tapedeck or a cd player? (probably the former) I have to get an adaptor... some things should just stay in my head, because typed on a screen it sounds lame. I actually just said out loud I need an adaptor. Who the heck cares? lol.
Bu really, I do.
Ugh, Boxes. Moving sucks. I really hate it. My mom's also moving this weekend. What timing.
Anyway, that's all for now.
Amz*
If Josh wasn't here I'd be dead. Literally. I have had so many moments of wanting to just off myself in the last week... not to say I would, I'm too cowardly. Wanting to is not doing it people. I'm not unstable. Well, maybe a little, but that's not really the point here. This whole financially skewed situation has caused me to become more resourceful and independent than ever. Good and bad. I'm tired of being strong. I've been strong for so long that I feel like a man and a woman in one. Except, the man part has been the one I use most often. When do I get to be vulnerable, and when do I get to cry and not feel like a complete weakling? I think it has made me bitter towards just about everyone and everything.
I was talking to a financial support worker, and after telling me there was nothing they would do for me, since I'm moving out of province I literally wanted to bite her cheeks off. I mean sick stuff. I mean like Saw Movie type torture. I envisioned sticking bamboo chutes under her nails, and piercing her eyelids with a dull needle. Maybe even lighting her on fire and giving her gasoline instead of water. Things like that. I have never thought like that. That is how angry I've become. A wise person once told me that anger is a secondary emotion, and it's really just a cover for a more deep, personal affliction. Like extreme hurt. That's what it is. Can you blame me though? I think anger can exist as a primary emotion when it's directed toward GOVERNMENT SWINE. Bastards.
You know who does come through for me though? My social worker (child services). As much as she can, though. She gives me resources to call to try and get money to cover some expenses. I can't call tonight though, so I'll have to do it tomorrow morning early. I can't believe that there are so little agencies etc that help women in my situation. You could kind of call it an emergency, or fleeing from abuse. Physical or emotional or mental or verbal. It's all abuse. Right?
Just to re-itterate. I hate the damn government. They are useless and cold. They look down on me like I haven't planned my life out.. it's ridiculous. I want them to find themselves in the same situation. See what it's like. These people have never had hardship so they can't relate.. but why are they working there then? And, AND!!!.. why are social workers mostly without children? How the hell can they understand any situation that has to do with kids, if they've never had em? I tell you. A man invented this system, a single crotchety old badger who hates kids and flowers, and ponies, and candy. BASTARD I'M TALKING TO YOU. If only Heff or Trump ruled the world. They'd never turn away a MILF!
The only comfort and consistency I got out of my day was my girls little faces and Josh. If they weren't around, I wouldn't be either.
Anxiety attacks are back. Last time I had them I was in grade 12. If God exists and he's watching this/allowing this to happen, he owes me BIG TIME.
It's K's birthday tomorrow. I almost feel bad. Again, I say almost. No one should be alone on their birthday. But then again, I was for the past two birthdays, so...
Carol is coming tomorrow to help me pack to move (where exactly, I don't know) and Josh is flying down to help as well. We're going to drive through the rockies. And I have just the song, and band. HOLY! Does that truck have a tapedeck or a cd player? (probably the former) I have to get an adaptor... some things should just stay in my head, because typed on a screen it sounds lame. I actually just said out loud I need an adaptor. Who the heck cares? lol.
Bu really, I do.
Ugh, Boxes. Moving sucks. I really hate it. My mom's also moving this weekend. What timing.
Anyway, that's all for now.
Amz*
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
so, this will be awkward..
Ex-Mother in Law coming to help pack. Same day as Josh arrives to do the same.. and possibly.. me. Feels weird. This is weird, right? Yeah this is weird. How am I going to get through those hours pretending that he's a friend? Wow. Remember the story of the crucifixion? It'll be harder than that. And if you're one of those that doesn't believe in Jesus and all that stuff, then it will be the hardest thing done in history.
I mean I know that Kevin and I are done, and nearly done on paper, at that. But, I'll feel bad. That's not exactly crazy right?
I was saying earlier that it makes me feel like a kid again. Sneaking around on mommy, whispering sweet nothings when dad's not looking... sitting awkwardly across from each other, stealing glances. I have been demoted to a goddam teenager. Except then it was something new and forbidden, not something I've had lots of and expect more of and crave of. I'm a mommy myself, why can't I do these things out in the open? It's not my fault her son fails at life. Right? Still the guilt that is residual from my dictatorship of an upbringing rears it's ugly head to remind me that may be hurtful to someone else. Ugh. I hate my conscience. I wish it would go bury itself. I'm tired of living in a box. Four sides that keep me reigned in at all times, doing everything appropriately. I want to be crazy and spontaneous (as much as is possible with 2 kids...) and enjoy my life. And I don't plan on hiding the most important person to enter it since G. I am in love, and the world is going to goddam lie down and accept it.
So my mom tried to give me "the talk" today. She also asked if I needed it, and I assured her I knew exactly what happened when a boys dingaling enters a girls hoohaa. It happened twice, mother. Better late than never I guess. Damn, I've probably had more sex than my 46 year old mother. Love you mom. Granny. LoL.
Here's something you haven't hard in awhile.. I am completely unlucky (and to be honest I should've led the post with this) but as per usual.. I was bailed on. My father, with whom it took me 10 years to reconnect with offered to borrow a truck from his work and bring me back to Surrey, as well as lend a bit of support financially. So, as the gods would have it, he calls me last night (drunk btw) and casually mentions that he can't move me, and is going to edmonton next month and may be able to do it then.
Listen, drunken father, I gave notice, that means off the premises on the 1st or before. Calling up my landlord and saying "Hey, I changed my mind, so could I live here for free for a month?". I'd be more likely to become a member of the Taliban before I'd see a moment of genuine generosity for Mr. White (landlord). Maybe he'd generously skip the phrase and just give me the hand gesture? Most likely.
I am determined though. My heart is set on Surrey. Wow, that sounds so wholesome up til the "Surrey" bit. lol. I miss the things about Fleetwood. Douchebags as far as the eye can see, plenty of ammunition for sarcastic jokes and cutting remarks. Also, lest we forget the multiculturalism. Mounds of 20 milkjugs tied together on every lawn, due to (the real Canadian (LOL)) Superstore being sold out of milk as soon as it arrives. You know it`s true. You heard me before, Surrey is AN INTERNATIONAL punch line. That`s right. Someone in timbuktu (sp?) is thinking of your vag right now, girl.
I have to wake up at the crack of bloody dawn tomorrow to look into resources for getting money. I mean.. may as well hit up everyone, eh? My family is low on the help, compassion and general likeability scale. Even their friends secretly hate them. I`m just a little more open about it. Honesty is the best policy, that`s my motto.
Anyways thats all folks.
Amz*
I mean I know that Kevin and I are done, and nearly done on paper, at that. But, I'll feel bad. That's not exactly crazy right?
I was saying earlier that it makes me feel like a kid again. Sneaking around on mommy, whispering sweet nothings when dad's not looking... sitting awkwardly across from each other, stealing glances. I have been demoted to a goddam teenager. Except then it was something new and forbidden, not something I've had lots of and expect more of and crave of. I'm a mommy myself, why can't I do these things out in the open? It's not my fault her son fails at life. Right? Still the guilt that is residual from my dictatorship of an upbringing rears it's ugly head to remind me that may be hurtful to someone else. Ugh. I hate my conscience. I wish it would go bury itself. I'm tired of living in a box. Four sides that keep me reigned in at all times, doing everything appropriately. I want to be crazy and spontaneous (as much as is possible with 2 kids...) and enjoy my life. And I don't plan on hiding the most important person to enter it since G. I am in love, and the world is going to goddam lie down and accept it.
So my mom tried to give me "the talk" today. She also asked if I needed it, and I assured her I knew exactly what happened when a boys dingaling enters a girls hoohaa. It happened twice, mother. Better late than never I guess. Damn, I've probably had more sex than my 46 year old mother. Love you mom. Granny. LoL.
Here's something you haven't hard in awhile.. I am completely unlucky (and to be honest I should've led the post with this) but as per usual.. I was bailed on. My father, with whom it took me 10 years to reconnect with offered to borrow a truck from his work and bring me back to Surrey, as well as lend a bit of support financially. So, as the gods would have it, he calls me last night (drunk btw) and casually mentions that he can't move me, and is going to edmonton next month and may be able to do it then.
Listen, drunken father, I gave notice, that means off the premises on the 1st or before. Calling up my landlord and saying "Hey, I changed my mind, so could I live here for free for a month?". I'd be more likely to become a member of the Taliban before I'd see a moment of genuine generosity for Mr. White (landlord). Maybe he'd generously skip the phrase and just give me the hand gesture? Most likely.
I am determined though. My heart is set on Surrey. Wow, that sounds so wholesome up til the "Surrey" bit. lol. I miss the things about Fleetwood. Douchebags as far as the eye can see, plenty of ammunition for sarcastic jokes and cutting remarks. Also, lest we forget the multiculturalism. Mounds of 20 milkjugs tied together on every lawn, due to (the real Canadian (LOL)) Superstore being sold out of milk as soon as it arrives. You know it`s true. You heard me before, Surrey is AN INTERNATIONAL punch line. That`s right. Someone in timbuktu (sp?) is thinking of your vag right now, girl.
I have to wake up at the crack of bloody dawn tomorrow to look into resources for getting money. I mean.. may as well hit up everyone, eh? My family is low on the help, compassion and general likeability scale. Even their friends secretly hate them. I`m just a little more open about it. Honesty is the best policy, that`s my motto.
Anyways thats all folks.
Amz*
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Makin' my move..
Back with the cliche titles. You know you missed it.
I am moving back to Surrey, BC as of January 31st. Couldn't be happier. I am so ready to be a Surrey girl again. Funny and true story. I was in Russia for ballet training in Grade 11, and there us girls ran into a bunch of local men who asked us where we were from. We said Canada, they asked where in Canada. We said Surrey BC. (No joke) They looked at each other, smiled and said SURREY GIRLS!!! And then asked us out. True, I swear. No one was more surprised than me that our reputation precedes us that badly. Worldwide.
Anyway, back on track here. I've been neglecting my blog to spend time on the phone with Josh, and to pack my belonging and separate them from you know who's. And no I'm not talking Voldemort. I am literally on the phone 4-5 hours a day if not more. Good thing I have unlimited text and calling anytime! Or else I'd have major bills. Josh entered my number wrong in his my 5 so he could've been actually charged $500+ for two weeks of talking. Serious.
Love.
So apart from packing he who must not be named's (sp? gr?)crap in separate boxes and figuring out what he deserves to take with him (which isn't alot), not alot going on.. trying to figure out money. Even from jail he screws me financially. Hell if he was dead he would still reach fromt he grave to fuck with me. I am in so much debt due to him. My life in a nutshell. Trust and get screwed. Luckily for me I've found someone worthy of trust. Yes, whatever I write will always come back to him, get used to it.
I've taken everything, because I am goddam entitled at this point. ENTITLED. I took the consoles, the tv, the new receiver, the wireless speaker system.. if it costs a mint, it's mine.
I also did a few bitchy things like sell all his cool electronics, his bass etc. I almost feel bad. Almost.
Honestly, I joke about it alot, but I've gone a few years now believing I couldn't do better and the bad karma I kept getting was mine and deserved what I got. It's hard to admit this without seeming self-absorbed but I am worth a hell of a lot more than this. I didn't do anything bad enough to deserve the flack I've been getting. And then now I'll probably mention that this is why there is no higher power. Bad things wouldn't happen to good people without reason. Why was my kid taken away? I have no qualms in expressing the fact that I am a fantastic mother, not perfect, but fantastic nonetheless. What did it teach me? To hate the government. Did it help me to forgive Kevin or Social Services? No. Not in the least. What did I gain? Bitterness, Hate, Resentment. What kind of God would give you that? None that I believe in. None that I would want. None that exist. That's who.
So, there's my rant.. but I'm sure there'll be more.
Laundry. BAH.
I'm not sure, but it seems lately alot of unlikely suitors have come forward to try to sleep with me (haha, I said suitors, what era is this?) I mean, Aaron Desnoyers (remember him? if you went to WWE or FP) Rob Radanovic? My god, what am I? A douche magnet? I'm intrigued and if they had said something years ago I may have even considered it. I was so lonely for like 3 years I would've taken any attention I could get. But not only did it not cross my mind, I interupted their talk of "throbbing" this and "wanting" that to talk about Josh and how great he was. (told you it would come back to him!) I don't want anyone else, and wouldn't even consider it. I may even turn down Clive Owen, if he asked. Which is saying something, because I love me some BRITISH Clive Owen. Josh is my Ron*.
* Ron is my mom's bf, she met him when she was down on her luck, they've been together 10 years. He makes her a better person, he is reliable, dependable, deep and loving. I tell my mom that I think Josh is my Ron. She laughs.
So my dad comes down to move me on Friday Night or Saturday Night. Not sure which. Probably Saturday. Hopefully sooner, for obvious reasons. My sister Annabell is coming down too. First time seeing her in person since her infancy. Wow. She's a trained babysitter (HALLELUJAH!)
I made hot v-day plans. I'd tell you, but I can't because a certain someone would spy. I used to hate Valentines Day. Maybe it's because I never had a reason to like it? I've been broken up with twice the day before Valentines Day. Hmm maybe that's why? It's too corporate. And I swear if I ever get red roses or something heart-shaped I might puke. Maybe even purposely in their direction. The thought counts, but I am a woman, not a little girl.
So, keep you posted. The move will be awesome. So psyched. SOOOOO psyched.
Mmm.. Love.
*Amz
I am moving back to Surrey, BC as of January 31st. Couldn't be happier. I am so ready to be a Surrey girl again. Funny and true story. I was in Russia for ballet training in Grade 11, and there us girls ran into a bunch of local men who asked us where we were from. We said Canada, they asked where in Canada. We said Surrey BC. (No joke) They looked at each other, smiled and said SURREY GIRLS!!! And then asked us out. True, I swear. No one was more surprised than me that our reputation precedes us that badly. Worldwide.
Anyway, back on track here. I've been neglecting my blog to spend time on the phone with Josh, and to pack my belonging and separate them from you know who's. And no I'm not talking Voldemort. I am literally on the phone 4-5 hours a day if not more. Good thing I have unlimited text and calling anytime! Or else I'd have major bills. Josh entered my number wrong in his my 5 so he could've been actually charged $500+ for two weeks of talking. Serious.
Love.
So apart from packing he who must not be named's (sp? gr?)crap in separate boxes and figuring out what he deserves to take with him (which isn't alot), not alot going on.. trying to figure out money. Even from jail he screws me financially. Hell if he was dead he would still reach fromt he grave to fuck with me. I am in so much debt due to him. My life in a nutshell. Trust and get screwed. Luckily for me I've found someone worthy of trust. Yes, whatever I write will always come back to him, get used to it.
I've taken everything, because I am goddam entitled at this point. ENTITLED. I took the consoles, the tv, the new receiver, the wireless speaker system.. if it costs a mint, it's mine.
I also did a few bitchy things like sell all his cool electronics, his bass etc. I almost feel bad. Almost.
Honestly, I joke about it alot, but I've gone a few years now believing I couldn't do better and the bad karma I kept getting was mine and deserved what I got. It's hard to admit this without seeming self-absorbed but I am worth a hell of a lot more than this. I didn't do anything bad enough to deserve the flack I've been getting. And then now I'll probably mention that this is why there is no higher power. Bad things wouldn't happen to good people without reason. Why was my kid taken away? I have no qualms in expressing the fact that I am a fantastic mother, not perfect, but fantastic nonetheless. What did it teach me? To hate the government. Did it help me to forgive Kevin or Social Services? No. Not in the least. What did I gain? Bitterness, Hate, Resentment. What kind of God would give you that? None that I believe in. None that I would want. None that exist. That's who.
So, there's my rant.. but I'm sure there'll be more.
Laundry. BAH.
I'm not sure, but it seems lately alot of unlikely suitors have come forward to try to sleep with me (haha, I said suitors, what era is this?) I mean, Aaron Desnoyers (remember him? if you went to WWE or FP) Rob Radanovic? My god, what am I? A douche magnet? I'm intrigued and if they had said something years ago I may have even considered it. I was so lonely for like 3 years I would've taken any attention I could get. But not only did it not cross my mind, I interupted their talk of "throbbing" this and "wanting" that to talk about Josh and how great he was. (told you it would come back to him!) I don't want anyone else, and wouldn't even consider it. I may even turn down Clive Owen, if he asked. Which is saying something, because I love me some BRITISH Clive Owen. Josh is my Ron*.
* Ron is my mom's bf, she met him when she was down on her luck, they've been together 10 years. He makes her a better person, he is reliable, dependable, deep and loving. I tell my mom that I think Josh is my Ron. She laughs.
So my dad comes down to move me on Friday Night or Saturday Night. Not sure which. Probably Saturday. Hopefully sooner, for obvious reasons. My sister Annabell is coming down too. First time seeing her in person since her infancy. Wow. She's a trained babysitter (HALLELUJAH!)
I made hot v-day plans. I'd tell you, but I can't because a certain someone would spy. I used to hate Valentines Day. Maybe it's because I never had a reason to like it? I've been broken up with twice the day before Valentines Day. Hmm maybe that's why? It's too corporate. And I swear if I ever get red roses or something heart-shaped I might puke. Maybe even purposely in their direction. The thought counts, but I am a woman, not a little girl.
So, keep you posted. The move will be awesome. So psyched. SOOOOO psyched.
Mmm.. Love.
*Amz
Monday, January 17, 2011
So, long time no talk...
OMG OMG OMG OMG omg omg omg omg....
Amazing weekend. Just incredibly spectacular. Scrumtrelescent. That's what it was. Though I can't tell you why.. who knows who's reading!!
Amazing.
So, something pretty cool happened this week (already, it's only monday!) I reconnected with my dad, after.. 10 years? We have a lot of misunderstandings to muddle through.. but.. we'll get there. And I'm moving back to BC like I've wanted to for ages. Both good pieces of information, both I'm happy about.
This weekend. OMG. I wish I could tell you. But I can't.... I can't. Some blog this is, I can't even tell you the juiciest bits of my life!!! ARGH!
*sigh*
Open Arms - Journey (the perfect song about how I feel about it all)
-Amz*
Amazing weekend. Just incredibly spectacular. Scrumtrelescent. That's what it was. Though I can't tell you why.. who knows who's reading!!
Amazing.
So, something pretty cool happened this week (already, it's only monday!) I reconnected with my dad, after.. 10 years? We have a lot of misunderstandings to muddle through.. but.. we'll get there. And I'm moving back to BC like I've wanted to for ages. Both good pieces of information, both I'm happy about.
This weekend. OMG. I wish I could tell you. But I can't.... I can't. Some blog this is, I can't even tell you the juiciest bits of my life!!! ARGH!
*sigh*
Open Arms - Journey (the perfect song about how I feel about it all)
-Amz*
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
so, horoscopes are not bs, I can prove it!
Today's horoscope, received from a friend via text, was completely and utterly accurate. To a t.
It hasn't happened on alot of occasions, but lately, almost every day it literally explains my decision making choices etc. It's amazing.
Early night tonight, I've been spending too much time talking to friends late online or on the phone. Good thing I have unlimited all over Canada, if I didnt my bill would be.... hefty to say the least. But... yeahhh.
Not alot to say tonight, not a particularly awesome day, actually pretty stressful, and there's no one around to talk to about it (which is fine) so it'll fester until someone helps me lighten the burden on these shoulders, which my friends are always good for. So this is me willing someone to call me! Someone? Anyone!? Oh nuts!:P
So, I go off to bed now! Nite.
-A
It hasn't happened on alot of occasions, but lately, almost every day it literally explains my decision making choices etc. It's amazing.
Early night tonight, I've been spending too much time talking to friends late online or on the phone. Good thing I have unlimited all over Canada, if I didnt my bill would be.... hefty to say the least. But... yeahhh.
Not alot to say tonight, not a particularly awesome day, actually pretty stressful, and there's no one around to talk to about it (which is fine) so it'll fester until someone helps me lighten the burden on these shoulders, which my friends are always good for. So this is me willing someone to call me! Someone? Anyone!? Oh nuts!:P
So, I go off to bed now! Nite.
-A
Monday, January 10, 2011
.. *sigh*
I'm feeling a little blah today. I know exactly why, but it's not something I can get into at the moment.
Other than that, my plans for the new year were to start eating right, drinking water and cutting down on inactivity. So far so good. Ive been able to dedicate most of my mornings waking up before the girls, having some me time to stretch, think.. it's been really beneficial for me to contemplate over hot water and lemon. Though thinking is sometimes cruel if you do too much of it. All I had other than water today was milk, so that's good. I'm trying avoid pop, my vice! I miss my pepsi.. *sigh*.
Missing him, but have to stay strong.
The girls were a real handful today, both of them inconsolable and misbehaved. Ugh!
Today was just a crummy day altogether.
-A
Other than that, my plans for the new year were to start eating right, drinking water and cutting down on inactivity. So far so good. Ive been able to dedicate most of my mornings waking up before the girls, having some me time to stretch, think.. it's been really beneficial for me to contemplate over hot water and lemon. Though thinking is sometimes cruel if you do too much of it. All I had other than water today was milk, so that's good. I'm trying avoid pop, my vice! I miss my pepsi.. *sigh*.
Missing him, but have to stay strong.
The girls were a real handful today, both of them inconsolable and misbehaved. Ugh!
Today was just a crummy day altogether.
-A
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